My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Im part way to drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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