The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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