And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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