I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize