Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i now understand why vodka
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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