I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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