how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
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i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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