I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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