You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
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I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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