You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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