WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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