How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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