sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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