Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
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Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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