my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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