so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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