areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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