i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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