also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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