He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
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I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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