God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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