i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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