theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
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Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
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I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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