There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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