I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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