Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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