i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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