Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize