i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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