I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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