In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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