Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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