I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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