Do you still have your period?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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