Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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