i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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