I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize