Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize