i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize