So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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