My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize