Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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