Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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