I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize