I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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