Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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