the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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