im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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