Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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