I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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